kinds of blankets

i've got everything to be afraid of
despite reassurances to the contrary.
and guilt
for as long as i've loved.
it goes on never changing, sharing sheets
with blondes and black-haired jewish chicks
who beat the normal into us, the
busy frightened empty nests
who'll flee from them as future sons

that division of elements manifests itself in everything we see and do not see

we lack basic framework for approaching the world and differentiating

he took a breath here

what to look for and where to look for it.

a slight breeze rippled through the stiff and dry atmosphere as a door in the back cracked open and a latecomer rubbernecked to find a seat.

even upon discovering our quarry we immediately leap to conclusions based upon our past experiences

prejudices upon prejudices complex and interwoven

leapfrogging from one realization to the next our minds and mouths agape in dumb surprise

but the symbols are obscured as easily as wondering whether their images suggest themselves or simply fit our suggestions

and are lost in the process of tabulating our consciousness

vincent

i knew vincent's hands to tremble upon
the image of murder in the mirror
that intent to carve up the fresh flesh
he'd feast upon in coming weeks
easing the aching that barked in the back of his mind
and rolling groans across his stomach
with deep dreams of satisfaction and
kingly post-coital cigarette ashes spreading on
his ivory bedsheets.

he'd flatly slam the palm of his hand on
the walnut kitchencountertop when the
neighborgirl would give him lip,
looking up from cutting carrots with a chilling
smile and a voice coated in wax and ocean breezes
his idea of sexy maybe but undeniably
predatory
i'd say
i have vague notions about things he
did by the suppressed noises from the apparently
mattress-walled interior of that otherwise quiet
little one bedroom with the unkempt lawn and the beware of dog sign.
sometimes we'd hear a lot of yelling in like i guess chinese,
but then it'd get real quiet after and we just supposed his TV
didnt have auto volume adjust between channels, like ours does

dayglo

up with the bronx sun
because my stomach hurts in the
gloomy chill of hours recycled
into late single digits
and blowing smoke before alarm
clocks take off and
drag us into afternoon dances singing

Lonely would be the best way to describe us,
closely followed by Proud,
resembling bits of bygone idiots
who indulged themselves in
something to say
in self-contradiction
or petty rebellion
ejecting noise from every orifice
under
godlike quantities of metal
and steaming unglued paraphrases
in meaningless artificial wind resistant protest

i never thought of
life as just a fantasy until i
met the no one inside me
and felt her so empty:
stupid shaped sunglasses
all going on road trips
come visors down sun low while
wishing tall cups would swish melt ice
with a touch of coke syrup

divorced by definition
entails complete seperation of
ideation and intent;
willful notions of the perfect
world wherein the
sorrow is meted out
according to sin
are done away without a prayer
lost in stones carved down to resemble
faces of long gone artists identified
in the souls of higher powers

yeah so

offic. done with jersey
and
intertwining in competitive struggles for sunlight
in morning flashes birds jump from telly wires shaking raindrops off the cables
erasing piercing eyes in springfield glades laying blame for
dog park fights
come, quickly
hands clasped train rides

like beaches i don't care for,
accolades in grassy fields i didn't receive
but the sun breaking through bamboo leaves
or smoke weaving on mossy rocks midmorningtime with
leatherclad brightheads rocking blast from and to the
pizza places by burnt-down schools,
satellites ignited against grand detachment,
nutrition info on cereal boxes, bleeding lines of soggy
newsprint, and that glorious glowing tube.
i took part in dream borne myths invented (to me, at least)
every morning slipped through my fingers overwhelming my senses

she writes me sometimes with the shitty blue scrawl
of an erasable pen, sifting through routine phrases
and polaroid photo references from memories half visiting me
and i'm not so interested as i am self-destructive or something so
her taste in music is odd and she still goes to church even though we're
in our mid-20's
we're working through anxieties at the speed of cigarettes
but she and i should never meet again

heres to you kentucky blue
and afternoons exacting gallons
paid with common hands and eyes
drive round roadside graves defended by
coat black iron fences and gates
freshly painted by local brownskinned men and boys
from the bottom up in exchange for food and favors
wide and varying from fifty five bucks to a few more minutes of noise

bad news sports fans
things kicked up have died
down now
we've spread ourselves
out by the pond
for hungry ducks and
drunken swans
scrambling spit to stutter
fits of guilt from the comfort
of leather sofas and kingly wit

sunsoaked fields pitch dark in tar
so much of what frustrated us
burnt into linguistic magic tricks and
red leather contradictionaries
and new taxes pushing smoky sighs to
10 bucks a pack
gimme a break
i dont care what your man says
about that

new cities are shearing my limbs off
bending me to every rigid angle of manmade geometric harmony
plaster molded to new niceties duly carried out daily
while fat new pictures kill off my only warm memories
relegated to the comforts of sheer freedom and terror
fading like cascading rain
but when they told me about all the beautiful people
i didn't realize i'd have to talk to em

all morning rain bitches on my neck haunting
notes and jotting phrases i cant read
im still crusted with dreams
i was visited by silent girls staring straight on to the
horizon and i couldnt
get them to pay attention

today again ill endure a city of men without brides
blanking hard stone memories in the shades of dusty bridges
hiding from the horizon slide sinking below the
black river water rippling horsemen hooves
rhythm 32nd note beats

thank god we've uprooted the rest of these silken ties, they were blowing like
flies in the wind here in the clouds of my mind
now it's all anchors up for us:
i've seen the news picked out another imagined self
freshly fried and frozen for the microwave crowd
packed like sardines for breathing room and bragging rights
chasing after the inevitable growing pains
that come with life and love and madness

washed out blues come
easy with age
no more
pretending anything, or
wallowing and searching
for pity and purposes
once missed over,
once felt lost
now paid no mind
by hidden eyes or
all old comrades, come and gone

watches you read

self inflicted wisconsin riots, the worst kind;
kick up troubles exhausting softly, gravitas and climate,
arms length in rubber pockets fumbling after
westernized weapons and traumatic moments of transcendence.
all the time humming and mumbling lyrics to the dissociative melodies and self mantradictions sipping afternoon bay breezes with kiwi twists;
I.C. rolling miles why-not lined with yellow demarcation, winding ever diminishing concentrations, casting aspersions, taking granted,
holding yourself in the breeze
hands calming fluttering old wool cardigan
we'll well tire out our wheels tomorrow
but terrible time to start talking now

i cant deliver in this medium
or modernize it, make it clever, captivating like
a scorching laser bolt sewn across movie screen
flickers in a smoky theater
our drippy sullen voices
and cheerful light trills choke around the toughened
corners
and squeak our teeth they slip around our formed
exhalations bound to upset
a rapture shake a dream stir cotton mouthed and
tangled in blankets
unhealthy truth of beauty when of course seen better
lords and lands and bowls of bread dipped in honey with nicer
weather

cmon you crazy mind
shake your needles pine dripping green sticks leaping as they hit the sweet
clean gravity we live and breathe
low budget charm cant save this waste of talent time money effort

you and me had questions to toss junking soccer kicks across
dustied fields in sunset schemas torn goal nets and dented posts
but i suppose ill juggle solitaire as the dusk sweeps us aside